Yesterday, I led a 3-hour session on NVC for a group of about 25 social workers in Southern Illinois. These folks were involved in situations where children were being abused, neglected, and otherwise treated in ways that are not in alignment with my view of love, caring and dignity.
I was struck by how much pain the social workers seemed to be in, both about how painful it was to see so many children experiencing these situations, but also how frustrating it was to not be experiencing support and partnership with their supervisors in the way that would enrich their lives.
Ironically, three months ago I led a day-long session for these very supervisors (about 45 of them!), who were in a lot of pain about how the people they supervised (social workers) were not responding to them in ways that they experienced partnership and cooperation.
I find this to be the case frequently -- that people who are seemingly in opposition to each other have the very same needs!
I provided empathy to several of the participants, and also used honesty in balance with that. This is a growing edge for me, because in the past I would have been more inclined to stay with empathy... and stay with empathy... and then stay with empathy some more... but I discovered that this wasn't meeting my need for balance, nor others' needs for learning and effectiveness.
I find that when I remain in either mode (listening with empathy to others, or expressing my own compassionate honesty) over and over, before long I feel a nagging uneasyness that urges me to shift over to the other mode. And of course, the third mode of self-empathy is something that I draw upon before, during and after in order to provide a solid foundation to remain in the empathy/honesty dialogs with others.
I am happy that I get to work with the supervisors again, as well as another group of social workers, over the next two weeks.
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2 comments:
Jeff,
I am feeling very inspired upon opening your website and appreciative to Rhonda and you for making this a reality. It meets my needs for hope, learning and on-going connection.
I look forward to the abundance of ways for sharing and spreading NVC, including this one. Ahhh, so beyond the field of right and wrong doing is this lake? I shall be looking very diligently for it :-)
Leslie
I chuckled when I read "that people who are seemingly in opposition to each other have the very same needs!" My partner and I experience this all the time. When we are most at "odds", we (eventually) find that we are both wanting to meet the very same need.
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