I continue to be amazed by the power of honest, caring self-expression.
I can hardly believe how empowering and energizing it was to express my honesty to a person in an NVC organization I am a part of, in front a group of 20 people, no less.
More than 24 hours later, I continue to feel jazzed.
Here's what happened: I was part of a daylong meeting, during which one of the participants and I had an exchange where we both experienced distress and dissatisfaction.
We completed our tasks early, and the facilitator of our meeting (a consultant) suggested that we spend the final hour practicing a new clearing process that I have been developing that combines things I've learned in the Mankind Project with NVC.
After doing some heavy-duty self-empathy -- and receiving empathy on a break from another participant -- I passionately expressed how I felt about the person's actions, along with the qualities in relationships that really matter to me (i.e. my needs).
We had a dialogue over the course of 5 or 10 minutes (again, in front of the group), and it was of secondary importance how the person responded and how it ended -- I had proactively expressed my truth to the person, with the rest of the group as my witness, and wow that feels great!
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3 comments:
Hi Jeff,
I'm wondering the process you are developing is similar to the "Clearing" we use in MKP and what you might have tweeked using your NVC toolbox. Would you be willing to say?
I'm also understanding your authentic expression was connecting for you to you and but not clear how it was for the other person.
Dex
Hi Dex, yes it draws quite a bit from the Mankind Project clearing process.
The one I've created builds on that one and is a more engaged process; in other words, both or all people involved in the clearing get to be heard fully and can offer empathy to the other person.
Also, while the Mankind process involves owning our projections we make on others, the NVC process is more based on mourning our actions when we come to see that they have not met some needs.
I intend to continue refining this process and sharing it with others.
Thanks for your interest!
Warmly, Jeff
Hi Jeff,
I srtuggle to connect with the joy of "pro-active, honest, caring, self-expression," especially independent of the other's response and all the more so in front of a group. My core beliefs around this are "No-one cares, so why bother?" and "It's better to deal with it myself than express it because it's painful enough alone; expressing it will just make it worse."
And yet reading your post, I get a taste of something, a pull in the direction you describe. And I'm yearning for inspiration and learning that will support me in living from my core values (in this case, self-connection and self-care as demonstrated by expression and connection to others).
Therefore, would you be willing to say more about the joy and value you get from "I had proactively expressed my truth to the person, with the rest of the group as my witness, and wow that feels great!"?
Shulamit
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