Recently, I have noticed myself making reference to the "principles and practices of Compassionate Communication (a.k.a. "NVC")."
The practices of NVC are pretty clear to me -- the three modes of communication being honesty, empathy and self-empathy, within which we utilize 4 ingredients: observation, feeling, need and request.
The principles of NVC are less accessible to me, so I am getting clarity for myself what I mean when I refer to the principles of NVC.
I came across a handout from Bay NVC (www.baynvc.org) that describes these principles in a way that I like:
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Nonviolent Communication is based on the premises that:
1. We are all trying to get our needs met.
2. We fare better if we know how to get these needs met in a cooperative, rather than an aggressive way.
3. Each of us has remarkable inner resources we can use if we are given empathy to get in touch with them.
4. People naturally enjoy contributing to the well being of others when they can do so without any element of coercion.
5. Each of us is responsible for our actions and for how we respond to what others do or say.
6. Some forms of thinking and speaking tend to disconnect us from the life within ourselves and others, whereas other forms enable us to remain connected with life.
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I would enjoy dialogue and exploration of these ideas.
Do you resonate with these principles, as outlined by Bay NVC?
Would you add any others?
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2 comments:
Number three doesn't sit well with me. I have just finished reading the book by Frans de Waal, Age of Empathy. From what he explains in the book, empathy isn't something we are given, it is something we have that needs to be tapped. When we NVC'ers say we are getting or giving empathy, I think what might really being going on is that we are experiencing the benefits of tapping into another person's (or animal's) feelings of empathy.
I think the benefits of tapping empathy in others are that we get things like understanding, compassion, and consolation. We can awaken another's feelings of empathy by getting them to see that we are in need. Somewhat like the example used in the book, that dolphins are known to surround stranded swimmers to protect them from sharks. This would require the dolphins to experience empathy for the swimmers and the swimmers experience the benefit of protection.
I have been wanting to write a larger article about this...I just can't seem to find the time...yet!
I did enjoy this article from you, Jeff, thanks for posting it.
I agree with these principles, well said.
I also would like to add the element of intention, which to me is a key ingredient in relating. Being aware of what our intentions are most of all.
It seems to be what I'm reminded of when reading or practicing NVC.
I enjoy reading your blog :)
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